DawnOwar's Blog

 I lost track of it i guess. Ive been home since mid September. Which means ive been home three months, even though last month i did a post that said i was home for three months.  I guess thats fine if ive lost track of it because it doesnt really matter  especially because im home. So I've been rebuilding my house. brought in the hard furniture from outside. except the dressers which were broken anyway and I decidedd to give some other furniture a try.  got a light "dresser" with fabric boxes for drawers and a kallax unit .. same concept but i dont have clothes to filll them up yet. I was going to bring in my purses and shoes but i dont go anywhere and the outfits they match are staying out in the garage at least till my skin heals so theres no real point i guess. So i have all these empty places to put clothes that i intend to bring back eventually. But it feels more like home with furniture. I swear i sleep better with a dresser in the bedroom. It feels like i liv...

 For the first time in over a year. That's not to say I'm 100% OK either. I feel like maybe im at 70%.  Since the last update, i got off the gabapentin completely which was not hard or scary as the pages i was googling made it sound. Probably because I was never past a half-dosage and I don't think i even took them for a full month, but the doctor still advised me to taper off. While I was doing that i was reading internet horror stories, and i wasnt feeling well. I think i took a day off of work to sleep, but it wasnt bad or hard and I was clear-headed again in a few days. Honestly I haven't done anything but work and move things and shop for things in a year now so I probably could stand a few more days off.  Except that I have bills to pay and I can't afford days off. I've used up all my paid time off awhile back mostly for appointments with the painters and other workers and helpers to get my house back in some shape so I could go home. So after i was off th...

I'm one pill away from being off these pills I was so happy to get prescribed for me. They pretty much just made me a zombie, but that was good for awhile and took me through the part where I was scared of everything and didn't know if I was going to be ok, so I'm home and I believe now and I'm getting ready for the colder months in my house where I can finally start to settle in now I'm starting to feel lucid again. Looking forward to doing Thanksgiving at home for me and my cats. Last Thanksgiving was one of my worst days ever. I was sick and I had to work and I was suffering and I was really hoping for a do-over this year, in my own house, where I belong. Thing about having an ongoing crisis for over a year is that people have their own things to attend to and they move on while you are still more-or-less in the same place. Not that anyone could have really helped me, and not that no one did... I had a lot of people that tried to what extent they could. Proba...

 I'm home for two months now. Well two months and one week. and counting. I've had a neurologist diagnose me with Small Fiber Neuropathy which is a relief in so many ways. Because I'm finally actually being treated for something. He's got me on gabapentin which mostly makes me loopy and I can't take the full dosage if i still want to function but you're supposed to ramp up so i'm taking 2 of 3 pills a day for now with intentions to ramp up.  I'm pretty functional on 2 a day now but when i add a 3rd in that all goes to hell so I thought id give it another week or so before i try again, just because I have things to do. Another reason this diagnosis is so great is because its my body and its probably not me reacting to "THE STUFF' anymore, which i knew because i literally took everything out of the house, pulled up the (2nd) carpet and painted with two coats of a sealing primer and two coats of paint. so how could i be reacting to anything in here...

Haven't written in awhile. Life has been exhausting. So basically what i did after a lot of trouble finding people to help and a lot of setbacks that took even more time than I expected, I moved everything out of the living room and bedroom (left the kitchen and bathroom be since Ive been using the bathroom for baths fine and i used to hang out in there and in the kitchen when things were worst so I feel like theyre probably OK I guess) Got everything out, went through all my things one by one and donated anything I dont think i need or probably won't wear while I was putting things in the closet. Got some freestanding closets and put clothes in there and my luggage from the basement and filled them up and some spacebags and then after all the clothes and stuff were out, moved the empty peices of furniture out. Had the carpet removed and the furniture that was previously in the garage that was sprayed w the spray that started all of this picked up by Junk King. Moved everything...

I dont even bother to look where i left off now before I start. I'm really lost today in general. not sure how to feel about any of this anymore. Its ludicrous that this is even happening and yet here I am living it for over 7 months now. basically I decided that i can use my backyard even if i can't live in my house so I decided to focus on getting the yard ready for summer. Got a new baby pool, cleaned the grill, got rid of the rotten wood chairs and bought new patio furniture.  It was a 93 degree day so I turned on the AC in the house to see if it worked. It did. it was great. Id been spending some time in the house, taking baths and doing my hair. I turned the internet back on over there so i can control the lights and thermostat remotely and I had bought a $6 thrifted office chair with the intention of working from home over there and if that went well moving in eventuallly. But instead, the AC went out at the apartment on this 93 degree day so i put the cats in the boxes ...

 I'd really hoped that by now I'd be back home but not yet. I've got the exhaust fans running 24/7 and i drop by daily to collect mail, put out garbage, dump the water from the dehumidifier, check to make sure everything is in order and then I go back to the apartment. I still hate that im in this ugly apartment but now I've been doing this long enough that it does feel something like home and I do like to come back and chill w my cats. I'd much rather live in the house but i can't, so this is at least not torture living here with my own space and what i need and my cats who I love  more than anything else.  I don't feel homeless or displaced so much as I did before, I feel like I have two homes now.  It sucks because I only want the other one, but I don't feel homeless. I'd been spending more time in the house and had an appointment to turn the cable back on at the house thinking I'd maybe try to work from home from there and that'd be enoug...

 Still not home yet, its all i think about but very basically theres no way to test whether or not the house is OK without potentially poisoning myself, and after i do that a few times i get pretty sick of being poisoned and i quit doing that for awhile. Where im at now, because I can't even remember all the things I've tried. I guess i should check where i left off but instead im just going to write a quick history going back to the part where I went to the doctor who basicaclly had me try all the anti-histamines until i found a combo i can exist on, because they all give me side effects.. and once i found that I put a shirt i was wearing fine in the apartment, in the house for a few days and sure enough it poisoned me terribly inside of a few hours, the effects of which did not wear off my body for four days. So umm maybe its not an allergic reaction? Meanwhile my back still feels like its on fire and i tried various things on it to soothe it... most of which made it feel wor...

In some fit of madness because I was so tired of my tounge being so sore and swollen, i swished my mouth with some vegetable oil I had on hand and I'll be damned if that wasn't some relief. Some gross gross relief. I did it a few times over the course of the next day and it was more disgusting every time but also more relief every time, so I got some mouthwash for dry mouths.... I had it at the house, ive used it before for a chronic sore throat i couldn't get rid of until the urgent care nurse told me to try it when she didn't see anything wrong going on in there and I'll be damned if my throat wasnt fine in about a week. So im a few days in of keeping my mouth lubricated and its about 50% better, which feels like a lot and I'm sure it'll heal and ill be fine and life will be grand. Thought I'd apply the same rule to my body which is suffering still. My skin is a mess, so i used some body oil on it and that seemed ok, tried some sunburn gel w lidocaine ...

because it just got too long.  Basically I had to move out, and here I am 3 mos out of the house, 5 months after I sprayed the spray and ruined my life. I'm okay. Well ok as i can be at the moment which is all I can work towards really at this point. I'm healing. not healed if you can believe that but healing. Basically I kept accidentally poisoning myself with things from the house and it got to be a real drag feeling awful all the time. More specifically, my skin is still really sensitive and feels like its burning, itching, numb and tingly.. some version of all these things and it moves around and it is very slowly getting better if i stay away from the house and everything that has been in it. So at least I have a path forward. Its not the one i want but if i were to just abandon my house and everything in it I can start over and live a life and be okay. Well my electronics survived and my glass work desk and I've got a metal shelf over here, maybe some more of the hard...