I'm home now. It's October. I lived in the apartment for 9 months.

Haven't written in awhile. Life has been exhausting.

So basically what i did after a lot of trouble finding people to help and a lot of setbacks that took even more time than I expected, I moved everything out of the living room and bedroom (left the kitchen and bathroom be since Ive been using the bathroom for baths fine and i used to hang out in there and in the kitchen when things were worst so I feel like theyre probably OK I guess)

Got everything out, went through all my things one by one and donated anything I dont think i need or probably won't wear while I was putting things in the closet. Got some freestanding closets and put clothes in there and my luggage from the basement and filled them up and some spacebags and then after all the clothes and stuff were out, moved the empty peices of furniture out.

Had the carpet removed and the furniture that was previously in the garage that was sprayed w the spray that started all of this picked up by Junk King. Moved everything id like to try to keep to the garage and hired professional painters to sand and paint the floors and walls with two coats of a sealing primer and two coats of paint.

Then moved back in bare bones with an air mattress and some blankets and a few items of clothes and two peices of a sectional. Moved in my work desk which is metal and glass and ive been using all along and a desk and a sideboard to hold up the TV and such. Only a few pieces of hard furniture from before. 

Meanwhile while i was living at the apartment getting the house ready to move back in, I was having reactions to the clothes there and my work chair and the sofa, and i figured i must have brought back something contaminated that got in the laundry, so i was back to not sitting on the sofa and suffering while I was working with my heart racing and my skin feeling like it was on fire.

I was wearing thrift store tshirts and undwear since i can work from home and it was the cheapest way to have constant new clothes to wear. I had one set of pajamas i wore in the bed and nowhere else and i just didnt wash them or the bedding so i could keep the bed safe, but i was still having reactions to everything and as the house was getting more ready I sort of gave up on the apartment and just decided to move into the house and start fresh.

and that mostly worked at first but i was still having reactions to ... the floor maybe? I'm unclear on all of this. I moved out of the apartment. Took the bed home since it was new and probably uncontaminated but i was scared it wasnt and spent the first few nights worried when i slept but then i didnt have a reaction and all was going well.

I think i was getting sick from my heart racing about once a week which was an improvement from the apartment. My apartment manager said i could move out and he could rent that apartment right away since its a desirable property at the moment and he wouldn't hold me responsible for the rest of the lease so i moved out 2 weeks shy of the 9 month mark and cleaned it great so i can have my deposit back because i need money now that this has all happened to me and turned my whole life upside down.

So i've not solved it but im so much happier at home even with nothing and i was suffering in the apartment anyway.

Tomorrow is the 6 weeks home mark for me.. I started buying some permanent things. I donated or junked everything from the apartment and started over here with an office chair id picked out of my neighbor's garbage and between that and the sectional my back and neck got pretty jacked up and i ended up at the chiropractor because i get vertigo when my neck isnt adjusted properly so i had about a week and a half of trying to relax my neck, so much stress and bad furniture.. and i started doing more exercise and using the massage equipment at planet fitness to try and get realigned.

So i bought some furniture.. somewhere around the 4 week mark i bought a new office chair and at the 6 week mark i bought a used rental sofa and then i bought a rug to go with it because the bare floors were echoey and hard. and i replaced the cat tree again because i didnt know the status of the one id bought for the apartment, and some new clothes. Some of the clothes from the apartment that were ok i have in a plastic dresser in the garage with the idea i can still wear those probably but i dont want to bring them in yet.

Everything in the house currently is likely uncontaminated save maybe the floor itself but i find it hard to believe that this spray which i sprayed a year and two weeks ago now, and cleaned up at least ten times, and pulled up not one but two sets of carpets and pads, and sanded and primed with two coats of a sealing primer and two coats of paint on top of that is contaminated in any way to make me sick from resting my feet on the floor today. 

So since my skin feels like its on fire, and has felt like this the whole time... well i believe thats neurological and thats why putting anything on it makes it worse. Maybe my heart racing is the same thing. it really does seem to be random and not related to anything specific. 

I have no idea how much of what im experiencing was from the initial contact with the stuff and how much is just my nerves doing weird stuff. 

My doctor has not been helpful at all. She and the allergist both literally told me to move out, which i had done 2 months before i contacted her since i was waiting to get 'the good insurance' when i went permanent at my job. Turned out the good insurance was about the same as the insurance i already had so that was a waste of time waiting but I guess it didnt matter since the allergist had nothing for me. She seemed to have ideas when iwas in the office and told me to start by taking OTC anti-histamines and seeing what works for me and when nothing did she had nothing and more or less told me she doesnt know this stuff or how to treat a reaction to it.

So i went back to the regular doctor and she said the allergist said to move out.

and i basically begged her to treat my symptoms and she told me to get a second opinion.

and im like my skin feels like its on fire all the time, thats neurological. and my heart is racing, maybe i have a heart problem. She gave me a referral to a dermatologist and said i could come in and she can do some testing for my heart.

I didn't. 

I called the ask-a-nurse and she said i should see a neurologist. Spoke w the insurance and they said i could go without a referral, called the neurologist who said they normally need one but made an exception for me so I go to the neurologist on Thursday.

Which is good because it seems to be getting worse.

i dont think moving out again would make any difference since I was suffering in the apartment as well. I think it did make a difference when i first moved out but i think, since i dont believe theres really any actual stuff im reacting to in the house right now, that this problem needs to addressed within my body now.

But i could be wrong. Its been a year now and ive learned nothing. I know nothing for sure and I've been suffering this whole time to some degree. Its expensive too. I had to take out a loan to make all this happen, painting, junk removal, carpet removal, new furniture and clothes... and i cant really afford the apartment anymore anyway.

I was taking baths and using coconut oil and that was soothing my skin but it seems like its not helping anymore. Most things help for a few days and then not anymore so i tried rotating back to one of the first lotions that helped awhile back that stopped working to see if maybe i can rotate products to calm my skin but that doesnt seem to be doing anything.

took an OTC pill for Neuropathy but that didnt seem to do much but i had trouble remembering to take it after the first few days too so i missed my evening pills a lot. 

Hoping the Neurologist has something for me to try. 

So it seems like when i sit, like when im working, for long periods of time, my heart rate will increase. I have a lot of theories on what could be happening but like i said before i dont know anything about anything still. 

But i do feel pins and needles and itching and burning sensation on most of my body, everywhere clothes go more or less. not on my hands or head or my neck but my back is really bad where my bra goes and my belly is really bad where the waistband of my pants goes and i feel these sensations moving around and changing all the time but it never fully goes away, just gets more or less intense. 

Seems like it may be related to the postion i sit in since raising my feet at my work desk seems to help. But its all just guessing.

Im very glad to be home. I love my house and its a relief not to have the added burden of paying for the apartment and driving across town daily to do work at the house not knowing if it'll ever get me home at all or not. 

Its nice to have all my things in one place even if most of them are in the garage and i wont bring them inside.

and its nice to be able to hang out in my yard with my cats. so we are enjoying that while i suffer. The sun makes my back feel good so the yard is a good place to be.

But i didnt just go home and live happily ever after. 

Still trying to solve all of it. 

Coming to grips with the idea that I may never and i may just have to suffer like this.

Hoping its not forever.

Hoping i get to live here as long as I want to. 

Thats where I'm at today.