DawnOwar's Blog

 New job is ok. i dont love the long days or working weekends and holidays but then i have three normal days off a week and thats kind of great. get the work out of the way and then live a life. except im tired a lot. trying to work on going to bed earlier so im not tired all the time. its been a terrible heat wave too which just made me want to do nothing inside by myself but i feel like this *could* work fine im always in this perpetual state of getting ready to have a great life and never quite getting there but having said that, since everything went all wrong for me and i started this blog.. i got everything back that i wanted, i paid off my loan i had to take out to pay for it all, i got a diagnosis that explains everything so even though my suffering isnt solved, i at least know how to treat it to make it more bearable and live a life. my foot's getting better too somehow with time and exercise i put on all the weight i lost last summer right back on after being repeatedly s...

 Settling into my new weird schedule. its fine. I think i can make it work. honestly have barely been going out anyway and its been no issue to get all the days off i need for already purchased concert tickets. i have three non-consecutive days off which is cooler than i thought it would be its like one day off to get shit done and then one long work day and then a weekend where i dont have to rush to get everythign done. because i did that. joined a 24 hr gym because i cant workout since the gyms are open same hours i work on weekends but i think i can make this work my body is still healing from the flea spray incident i started this blog no one reads to vent about but it is healing. its liek 4 years now.  my worries now are about politics because i see america sliding into authoritarianism and i dont get why half the country is fine with this. theres no way out of people dont stop it. and regardless they will say they won so we only have a few months before shit gets really...

 So all was going well and i was feeling good about my new job which i still dont know how to do. It's a breath of fresh air compared to my last job. The people are nice to me and the work load is very low and no one cares if you do your thing when theres nothing to do. but then they gave me my "real" schedule which was nothing like we had discussed and essentially gave me no time off anywhere i need or want it or could use it for anything I like or want to do. I was like oh.. no... and they did work with me to give me a more acceptable schedule but basically i was told up front that certain things were going to be non-negotiable and maybe i wrongly assumed that meant the other things would be.  I asked for a certain schedule and i was told that they werent sure but that would probably be fine. Then came back at me two weeks later with none of what i requested in addition to the non-negotiable part which was never ideal in the first place. Its just not that good a job for...

 Cancelling my other job interviews because this job is chill and easy.  I mean i dont know how to do it yet and the hours are weekends and holidays but i dont do anything with those days anyway most of the time.  I did two days and theyre like you will have a lot of down time, bring in a computer or whatever you want to entertain yourself.   Last guy would get mad at me if i filed my nails while i was doing other things. I just did two days of training which meant i mostly sat there but it seems like once i understand what im supposed to do and how to do it its going to be mostly doing nothing and that just seems like a vacation to me after a year and a half of working in an office with a TV on in a small space listening to every thing everyone else was doing and being talked to like i'm slacking, never once getting a "good job" or any positive remarks on my work, getting randomly yelled at for no reason just because the boss is stressed and also getting random...

 After i did my post, i went outside and sat in the hot tub with the intention of taking the rest of the evening to do relaxing things and get ready for the funeral tomorrow. I messaged a friend to tell her how just the interview was enough to make me feel validated finally and to see my experience of the last year and a half through different eyes. No wonder i was tired all the time.  And as i told her how i dont even care if i get that job or not, the experience of going to that job interview was what i needed. Just someone to care for what I've been through and let me know theres a possibility of a happy future for me.  and as i was telling her this the job offer came into my inbox. So i was unemployed for a week and a half.  Its not a done deal yet because i still have to go over details. It seems like its worse hours and lower pay but it is much easier work and it comes with benefits. If i get a boss that isnt an asshole who picks fights with me and wants me to ...

 I called the whole flea spray incident over. Im not sure if I did that officially on this blog that no one reads or not but im doing it now. which is awesome. What a terrible time in my life. Ive detailed already so many times that i have sensations all over my body in my skin still but its not intolerable anymore and all the really scary and awful side effects are gone. and I hope my skin will heal fully eventually.  Financially I've mostly recovered largely by working through the entire thing. So im kind of back where I started in Covid times. Then my friends husband died suddenly the other day for reasons still unknown and my jerky boss who is a jerk picked a fight with me over the stupidest possible thing because he's an argumentative asshole with some need to fight with people when he's stressed out. People being me.  I'm not over it and i dont want to get into details or ill get all angry again but basically i walked out the door after a year and a half and didnt...