New Development

 I called the whole flea spray incident over.
Im not sure if I did that officially on this blog that no one reads or not but im doing it now.

which is awesome.

What a terrible time in my life.

Ive detailed already so many times that i have sensations all over my body in my skin still but its not intolerable anymore and all the really scary and awful side effects are gone. and I hope my skin will heal fully eventually. 

Financially I've mostly recovered largely by working through the entire thing. So im kind of back where I started in Covid times.

Then my friends husband died suddenly the other day for reasons still unknown and my jerky boss who is a jerk picked a fight with me over the stupidest possible thing because he's an argumentative asshole with some need to fight with people when he's stressed out. People being me. 

I'm not over it and i dont want to get into details or ill get all angry again but basically i walked out the door after a year and a half and didnt come back. If he wanted me to not do that he should have treated me better.

But that wasnt a good job. It just looked good on paper. He was awful to me all the time. He barely talked to me and when he did it was to fight about something. And I dont know why because i wasn't doing a bad job. In fact, it took me probably about a year to become competent and he for some reason ramped up his assholery after I was actually good at the job. 

Add to that that he did stuff like interviewed someone else for my job because he never took the ad down even though id been there over a year. and he stopped buying coffee I liked. I could go on and on about what a dick he was. Frankly i dont think he liked me much and i think he was trying to make me quit so he got what he wanted. 

I don't care that i blew up my own life. I just told you im back to where i was financially before the pandemic . when i worked for myself for 8 years and that was fine and no one talked to me like this and if they did i wouldnt have come back.

But now that its been a week of job hunting, which is always demoralizing, it would look better for me if i had left on good terms. BUT THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. This man wasnt listening to me at all. He barely talked to me. I was still doing a good job for the customers but he gave me no incentive to work hard for him at any point. If fact i was doing the recycling, cleaning the bathroom, buying ant traps for the office, bought all the holiday decorations for every holiday, bringing in food to share. no one did any of these things for the office so i did them to make the office nice for me. I got no appreciation for any of it.

Also that job was hard. I dealt with difficult customers and difficult situations with customers and he never once told me i was doing a good job, he just complained when I couldnt handle calls and transferred customers to him even though its literally his business and they would ask for him and I wasnt the owner or the manager, I was the receptionist. He literally wanted me to run the business for him while he complained I don't do anything and transfer all the calls to him. 

I didn't want to get into this because I've been job hunting and even though its awful in general, i had an inperson interview today and the guy who interviewed me sat me down, immediately made me feel comfortable and told me that this job is easier than what I've been doing. If theres an angry customer I direct them to someone else, and I just do the easy stuff. The hard part is it's 4x10 and not 5x8 which sounds fine to me right now.

I was concerned id have to explain why i left my job and i just told him the truth that i was so unhappy there and i needed to look for something else where I could be happy and stay for a long time.

He didn't say it in words but he was all "we got you girl". Said he worked with guys like that and gets it and that they dont have hardly any turnover, they just need new people because they are opening a second location. Practically offered me the job but then said hes not the hiring guy so I don't know for sure what the hiring guy thinks but this man put me so at ease that i relaxed and took a breath.

For the first time in i dont fucking know how long.

I cant remember not feeling stressed for like idk 2 years now. make that 4 years now. maybe longer. Before Covid i was in a place where i wanted to do something else now but I didn't know what.

I dont know if i'll get that job or if itll be what this man promised me but for that moment i was sitting there talking with him on this cushy sofa with soft music playing and he was telling me how they run their business, which is essentially everything i would want in a job. A boss who takes suggestions and listens and resolves conflicts. with benefits. Ive had no benefits this whole time. 

I dont know how it will turn out and I dont want to get my hopes up but he put me in this place where for that moment someone was just like come here with us. itll be ok here. 

I hope thats true.

I had an interview for a volunteer position that sounded awesome as well and I think its good for my spirits to do something different with different new people but i do need to make some money

I did look into some other ideas too and I'd swear i lost weight this week just not being at work. I'm feeling strong and im being active because I have time. And this guy just came and put me at ease somehow in a way no one has in so long i just want to have a cry for all I've been through in the last four years. 

Finally. I never cried about any of this at any point. I think i had a few minutes in that december when i was in such phyiscal and emotional pain and distress i decided i needed to move out while i figured everything out.

Could have saved so much money if i'd known that moving out wouldnt have helped but I didnt know and I didnt figure it out for 9 months so the apartment really saved me even if it cost me so much money. 

I had to buy a new car but ive been payign off my house all this time and liek i said im back to wehre i was at the beginning of covid.

almost exactly.

Back to having the same amt of money more or less adjusted for inflation and the same amount of debt more or less. If can get another full time job (with benefits) that i dont hate where i can be happy and stay awhile that would be ideal.

Be cool if i found it already.

I have some more interviews coming up but I dont think they are it. But ill go anyway because I didnt think this one was it either. Getting out of the house seems to be key for me so i'm going to try to do more of that. 

Also ive only been out of work for a week and a half. It takes longer than that to completely restructure your life and find a new path. 

I hate that i left the way i did. It's not that i had no other choice, it's that I wasn't going to use all my diplomatic skills to get this person who is supposed to be my superior to listen to what I have to say. Conflict resolution is a two way street and he wasnt even trying ever. So it was his way or the highway. Only he wouldnt tell me what the rules were that I was supposed to be following. The way he treated me was not OK and I shouldnt have stayed as long as I did.

My mistake was that i was trying to stay for two years. I didnt make it. I should have found another job and left on good terms long before this like i did the last job i had which i knew wasnt right for me right away. Gave two weeks notice.

But i didnt so we move forward.

This guy today just basically told me you're right. Jobs shouldnt be like that.

Hopefully he has one for me that isnt like that.