Moving the updates to their own posts

because it just got too long. 

Basically I had to move out, and here I am 3 mos out of the house, 5 months after I sprayed the spray and ruined my life.

I'm okay. Well ok as i can be at the moment which is all I can work towards really at this point.

I'm healing. not healed if you can believe that but healing.

Basically I kept accidentally poisoning myself with things from the house and it got to be a real drag feeling awful all the time. More specifically, my skin is still really sensitive and feels like its burning, itching, numb and tingly.. some version of all these things and it moves around and it is very slowly getting better if i stay away from the house and everything that has been in it.

So at least I have a path forward. Its not the one i want but if i were to just abandon my house and everything in it I can start over and live a life and be okay.

Well my electronics survived and my glass work desk and I've got a metal shelf over here, maybe some more of the hard furniture... but im not even trying to figure any of that out because i just feel like this has to be self-limiting. eventually. and i just cant imagine a scenario in which i can't ever go back. I just dont know when or how I can go back. or how i know.

For now ive been waiting out the winter, because i cant open the windows because the pipes will freeze unless i keep them closed and the heat on, so ive been waiting until temps are not freezing overnight to open windows which hopefully will start me on the path to being able to move home.

That was yesterday. 

Meanwhile i've seen an allergist who basically recommended I try antihistamines.. all of them.. one at a time and maybe ill find one that works. So i did some research and started with a supplement called quercetin.

Inside of three days i ended up with all the symptoms back that had gone away for moving out and I just had to quit. Didn't try another one yet because I got my first covid shot and i really want to just give that a couple of days in case i have a reaction to it, so i know what im reacting to.

I was kind of terrified I was going to have an anaphylactic reaction to it but i didnt. whew.

So ive got sores on my tounge from all this and the skin on my back is super sensitive and my heart rate is still faster than it used to be before but i dont seem to be having the arrhythmia anymore, and ive been walking about an hour most days so getting back some fitness level seems to have helped a lot.

Yesterday my tounge was so sore i was desperate for some help and i literally swished some vegetable oil in my mouth which calmed it enough that I had some sort of revelation or memory of two years ago when i had chronic sore throats and the thing that cured it was the dry mouth mouthwash... which i had a huge bottle of at the house, so i went over there and got it and ive had considerable relief in 24 hours of swishing that around in my mouth every couple of hours. 

So ive tried to apply this same logic to my skin and i got some alpha keri oil, which i also had on hand.. because i dont tolerate creams and lotions well but the that oil has always really helped my skin... so I put some on in the shower and my back is itchy right now. feels like its some relief. I hope it is.

Thats where i'm at now. My goal for this week is to moisturize my skin and my tounge and I hope that if i can moisturize my skin maybe it'll calm down and be less sensitive and wouldnt that be great if it solved everything.

It's as good a theory as any at this point.

Meanwhile I've got a plumber coming over tomorrow to give me an estimate for some repairs/improvements to the house since i may as well work on it and get it ready to move back into so eventually i can live an even better life in there.

or if i really cant go back there, at least itll be ready to sell.

I really want to go home. I'm so homesick now. Every time i go home the worse it is. Today was a beautiful day and I didn't have to work and I spent a lot of time in the yard and talking to my neighbors and i just really miss being there. 

I can't believe there's no way for me to go home, but then I can't believe any of this happened at all or that I haven't been able to solve it yet. 

Moving out has been emotionally terrible even if it has been physically great for me and i hate every minute of all of this but my apartment is kind of OK, even though its ugly, and im happy to have somewhere safe for me and the cats to be, but i just don't want to be here for every reason. 

The winter was rough because I couldn't really do anything to even try to get back home, but hopefully time is fixing it. I think the only thing that will really get me back home is time. Time for my body to heal and time for the evil stuff to wear off the house. and hopefully I can just be okay and go home and this whole weird year will be like a fever dream and we will all go remember that one year that everyone had to stay home and wear masks and I lived in an apartment because i had an crazy out-of-proportion allergic reaction to some supposedly non-toxic flea spray and I had to throw out all my stuff and get all new stuff?

That was a weird year for sure.