Just got a chromebook

 and remembered my blogger journal or whateverthefuk this is.

I didn't read my last entry but I guess ill start from when I quit my job. got another one in a week and half and now I work in a furniture store. its fine. no one is an asshole to me and theres no early mornings and a lot of down time in which I'm allowed to do whatever I want behind the desk including playing on my personal computer and watching movies or whatever.

I have long hours but three days off. its taken some getting used to but I'm starting to get in the swing of things. I'm starting to not suck at my job. its hard to learn when there's not that much to do. they told me it would take like a year and I'm only on I think about 5 mos now. so i'm hangnin in.

but just a little over half the country is dumfucks who voted for a criminal grifter who is going to do hisuc best to be a dictator, make his rich friends richer and allow Christian nationalists to run over all our checks and balances and attempt to take over our country, and make minorities and martginalized people second class citizens.

so there's that. 

theyre likely going to get rid of the ACA (and who knows how many other programs) but lucky for me I just got off it since my new employer has enough employees they are required to provide health insurance unlike the last one. I was resistant at first because my ACA insurance was so un-useful as a healthy person I went with the absolute cheapest plan which I've been happy with but this company plan is twice as expensive, and I took a pay cut to work here.

I like having a job with a lot less repsonsiblity and I was just fine with making less money for it. I'm considering this my retirement job since my house will be paid off soon. but the health insurance is a lot more now and if trump does these tariffs he's promising and everything costs more I may have to go back to working in insurance just because it pays so much more. 

Sold some investments to pay off the rest of the house. this seems to be the solution. got new tires for the car and this new chromebook, which didn't cost that much but I have some cash right now and my old small computer and my old tablet are so old so I got a 2 in 1 to replace them both. its several pounds lighter than my computer too so my work bag is so light now.

just got a stylus for it too which idk if I'll use but I like that I could if I wanted to.

I have a lot of time to kill at work and I think I'm going to do my CE so I keep my insurance license active. and I'm getting a passport. mines been expired for 15 years now. which is crazy because I used to live overseas at least part of every year. 

and new glasses because my prescription seems to have changed and if he does tariffs my cheap Chinese glasses may not be cheap chinese glasses anymore.

so I'm just sort of rearranging what I can in anticipation of whatever future is this country. I can only hope that the people who think he's going to make america great are right, but I really don't believe that. I believe the worst possible case scenario honestly and I don't know how to prepare for that at all but I'm trying to do what I can. 

theres no real change in my physical condition since the great flea spray incident that ruined my life for a couple of years and I think my tingly skin which is triggered weirdly by certain detergents and nail glue and assorted other weird things you wouldn't think would be a thing but are. its just gonna be like that I think. I hoped I'd make a full recovery but now its 10 years since my foot injury which never fully healed and I just believe this is as good as its gonna be. I cant notice any difference in say the last year. althoguht I can say I do notice a difference from 2 years ago. 

but its very manageable at least. 

and my back too and all the other bits of me that don't work quite right are either improving slowly or holding tight where they're at.

my menopause symptom wax and wane. I think with my periods which are not quite regular but not altogether not regular either. here I am nearly 57 and my period came on time this month and was normal. two months ago I skipped one and I had two last month which was not my favorite so I figured this was the end of normal periods and then here I am with a normal one.

I did have what I call "the period sads" but also I was just real life sad because the boy I like has a gf and even though he likes me too its too complicated and I just had an emotional moment . was it justified? I mean yeah. I'm not trying to date anyone who I dont have any feelings for, am I? was it overly dramatic? I don't know. It doesn't matter. its just not going to work for me to be all up and down when he's with me and I'm excited and romantic and then crash when he goes to see her. its not what I want. which makes me sad too. and I went through this whole thing where I beat myself up for seeing the trap and walking right into it anyway. and then he didn't msg me while I was going through all this so idk if he doesn't want to do it either or if he's just giving me space because he thinks I need that or want that. or idk what. he's only ever been fully honest with me. I just didn't ask the right questions and ignored the things I didn't like to know about. 

my period slowed down and I did talk to him and we just had a normal conversation and I'm feeling more myself now but it still sucks for me.

anyway things aren't bad and we are heading into the holidays and I will be fine at least for now. once the USA has new management anything could happen but for now I have what I need and I'm as ok as I can be. 

I think I may do an offline journal going forward tho. 

no one reads this and I'm fine with that. I've always liked to publish my diaries but the world has changed and there's no real need to publish I don't think. If I can find a journal app I like I may discontinue this blog. it was critical in my survival when I didn't know what was happening to me and I was just trying to figure it all out. 

literally anything could happen but for now I'm ok and that may be a good place to leave this story.