If the last entry was 8 1/2 months then this one is 9 3/4

 Since then I've got a new job, took a week off in-between to go to a local 3-day outdoor festival and see some old friends and do a little partying. The closest to a vacation i was gonna have because I have to pay bills. and by the 3rd day i was feeling a little off and by the 4th day I had Covid.

My new job let me take another 2 weeks to get over Covid before I started, so instead of being out of work one week with a the vacation pay from the job i was finishing without ever having taken any actual vacation days, I ended up out of work 3 weeks with pay for only about one.

Because there was also a city-wide power outtage for a day or so and i couldnt work a day and half and then .. once i'd stopped ... going back was impossible. I couldnt do it anymore. thats all it took. a day and half off unplanned and the promise of a new job and I couldnt make myself do it anymore. It was time for me to go. So i took a lot of unpaid time off that last week, thinking it'd be covered with the vacation time payout. Which would have been fine if i never got Covid.

I'd already been shopping for clothes since my new job is irl and i was ready to go, so I just laid in bed and coughed for 2 more weeks and when it was time to go back i was negative on the test but still super-low energy and with bronchitis. 

I managed to get my doctor to give me bronchitis medicine before I lost my doctor for changing jobs and i've been taking pills and dragging myself into the training. somehow by the 3rd day i was the only one of the new hires left and they are doing one on one training with me. which is probably how im staying engaged and not nodding off. 

I feel like the new job could be great for me but its much too soon to know for sure. So far everything seems like it'll work out, which is good. Because it pays more and because my back wants to walk around.

and my body wants to walk around. I've put on 2 dress sizes since covid started and i am not happy about this at all. My fitbit died and i bought a new one which says I'm burning a lot more calories already than when I was sitting all day while my core turned to mush.

Covid for two weeks undid a little bit of the PT i just finished but not all of it and I know what to do. Today we did a lot of walking and i remembered after awhile how to walk correctly and I know that if i keep doing it i get stronger and all the bad symptoms go away.

Funny i got this far and havent mentioned anything about my flea-spray-neuropathy. 

Not that its gone or anything but just bought new clothes and carried on living life and even though im not done yet its all sort of okay now. I'm holding tight where im at and it does seem to be improving and my back and my work have taken focus away from it.

But having said that, once a month i dye my hair and my hair dye towels smell like THE STUFF and the further away i get from it, the more obvious the smell seems and the more terrifying when i smell it. Like i have PTSD or something . i get flashbacks of all ive been through when i smell that smell and its in those towels, i wash them in the washer/dryer and the smell never leaves.

I have washed a couple of pairs of underwear out of necessity in the washer but did not dry them. They dont have the smell and they dont seem to be effecting me but I've just been doing laundry at the laundromat and being careful not to mix up stuff and all is well.

I've been able to live in my house and other than paying back that loan probably for at least another year or two, it feels normal and i can relax but i still want carpet. I really hate this bare floor.

and the cat barfed on the area rug in the bedroom so many times now. i guess i can be happy its not wall-to-wall since it costs me $25 and its ruined and i can just throw it out. But i really want wall-to-wall carpet anyway.

The cat barfed on my bed quilt while I was at work today and I have no time to go to the laundromat for at least a couple of days. Thinking it may be time to get a new washer/dryer.

It was always on the list but i wanted to pay off some more stuff first.

I just hate that i cant keep things clean. like right now when i have time. I could just run a load of laundry and sleep on clean bedding tonight if i wasnt scared of my washer/dryer.

I think its the dryer.

but its all whatever. i should just get a new matched set probably. 

im gonna try and put it off as long as i can in the interest of putting my money towards paying off the loan for having to move out and renovate my house so i could finally move back in almost 10 months ago, which is almost a year ago. and i lived in the apartment for 9 mos, which is almost 2 yrs ago kinda sorta now. 

Crazy my back is still messed up and I still have some other neurological symptoms. I think all the time about how i wish i understood it was nerve damage sooner so i didnt have to waste so much time and money trying different things to get home that didnt work. 

Or if i could have understood any of it sooner I might not even have had to leave since it wasnt things in the house infected but my body. 

But i dont fully understand, even still, how much of that was happening in my body and how much was actual stuff probably washed into my clothes that i was wearing around that was causing the nerve damage.

all i know is that some stuff still smells like that, and you cant wash it out.

and as long as i leave it in the garage im ok.

The hairdye towels i barely use for about an hour once a month, but if/when i get a new washer/dryer set ill toss them and get new ones.

The other big project ive been working on all this time is my hair. I've been doing rotating treatments for about 6 or so months now after i had a lot of breakage from my shampoo/conditioner being discontinued when i was in the apartment and I didn't have it in me to spend much time trying different ones to find a conditioner im not allergic to that makes my hair nice, so i settled for one i wasnt allergic too and basically my hair got super-dry and broke off a lot.

It got worse and worse with time and by the time i was home for a few months i couldnt even untangle my hair no matter how much detangler i used. it would take hours and i'd lose so much hair and it looked so terrible all the time, so i watched a bunch of youtube videos and learned everything i could learn and tried all the suggestions and found a lot of things that worked for me. Im 6 months in and theres a noticeable difference in the new growth and the ends. the middle looks awful but thats where all the broken bits are so If i keep growing it, eventually it should look ok i think, i hope.

I love my hot tub, which is still awesome and is still healing me, but after 2 weeks of covid i had to drain/refill it because the chemicals got out of whack. so its been weeks since I've been in it, and i think its made me more sensitive today. the neuropathy on my back specifically.

but that remains to be seen. it was for sure healing me before. So im not sure what to think but sitting in it rules so im gonna keep doing that regardless.

so this whole thing isnt behind me yet totally, it may never be, but im moving forward again, finally. Even though i basically cant do anything good for at least another year. 

Hoping the new job is good. honestly it seems like it'll be awesome. the work is not hard, its a lot of fussy paperwork, which i like. but i get to walk around and talk to people irl. no one seems to be worried about timing you so long as you get things done, and my co-workers are more or less women my age. I've found it so important to have friendships with women my age and here's a bunch of them. 

I'll be mostly left on my own to get my work done. Theres a lot to learn and Im not sure how long that takes but they want me to go off on my own asap so they can focus on hiring and training more new people since we lost the other two who were supposed to start with me.

So the plan is to keep working, keep healing. Not just the neuropathy but my back, strengthen my core, maybe lose some weight, pay my bills. and thats like what i do for the next year. and then i can decide what happens after that. 

I'll probably get a new washer/dryer sooner than later.

The garage needs cleaned out but im in no hurry to do that. itll be there to clean out whenver im ready to get to it. If i can heal the neuropathy fully first i think thats the best idea. and if i can lose two more dress sizes, i can wear those clothes again. but thats something that needs to be done. i might be able to sell some stuff in there or i might donate it or some combo of both. But i can do that anytime or not do that anytime and it makes no difference. I have the rest of my life to sort that out.

which leaves the carpet. i kind of see that as last. since i had the idea i should put the cats in the kitty hotel a few days and since theyll be there, i could go somewhere for a few days while the carpet offgasses. Its an idea. but thats $$ i dont have to spend on either the carpet or the vacation so maybe thats a year or two off. 

and maybe ill replace the area rug the cats keep barfing on. 

i think im ok. i thinkill be ok.

i feel like im ok now.

long ass road to get here.