My friend's husband dropped dead

 Just suddenly. 

Healthy as far as anyone knew one minute and then gone.

I think he was a little younger than me.

So im just thinking over every single thing ever and about everyone ever.

When .. umm.. was it Diane? someone died. I think it was Diane. I called Kathy. I said i dont know what you do when this happens. She said. This is what you do. You call your friends.

So i think i should call Kathy. 

also Kathy's husband dropped dead suddenly a couple of decades ago.

maybe the two of them can talk.

also another old friend is sick with something that seems life threatening.

an old boyfriend of another old friend of mine

Ive been in touch with him most of the whole time but she hasnt and ive been wrestling both with the idea of telling her or not telling her or going to see him maybe.

I bought a funeral dress a few weeks ago

because I didnt have one. I got fat and outgrew my old standby one in case heaven forbid anyone should die so I thought I should have just a plain basic black dress that looks good on my bigger body in case.

Because i got wind of another friend having a stroke and because this is a lot of dudes my age now and because I legit think I've lost or nearly lost half my old friends at this point.

But i never envisioned that funeral dress was gonna be for this guy. *sigh*

So many people i know have had near death experiences that my nerve damage thing where I didnt know what was happeneing to me or what to do about it seems like nothing even though it was years long and lots of money and terribly disruptive and im not fully healed yet and may never be.

Thank goodness im back home and fully functional and mostly economically recovered. 
it makes my experience look like a joke what so many of my friends have been through.

I think about how if my cat died like that I'd be a wreck.
and im reminded of another friend who's cat died like that and how she was a wreck.

I remember how kathy said that when they told her her husband was dead she didnt even hear anything and didnt ask any questions because it didnt matter reallly did it? He was dead.

I should call Kathy.

thats what you do.