I had an allergic reaction. I think to some cream-based medicine. which set off my small fiber neuropathy. I was suffering for two days but only two days. Thank goodness.

 It took me back to that awful place all this stuff on this blog started. 

I always knew the allergic reaction was connected to the SFN but this confirms it beyond any shadow. 

THe good news is i knew what it was this time and i knew what to do this time to soothe it. What works and what doesnt work. And i knew what triggered the original allergic reaction. 

Well i guess i knew what triggered it last time but i didnt know i had SFN. I didn't have it before that. It set it off. I still dont know how the orig. allergic reaction ended up in SFN it but it definitely did. The two things are definitely connected. 

But it took me 10 months and moving out and getting rid of half my things and accidnetally making worse over and over and over again and moving back and still having reactions to things before i even started to figure out what it was and how to treat it.

and i still have it.

i just live with it. 

its not as bad as it was but its not gone. It never went away. I just learned how to soothe it and keep it at a level i can live my life with. 

and thats always getting easier.

What i didnt count on was this allergic reaction i had last week. I didnt do a lot very different so i can narrow it down to either the chinese food I ate or the cream-based medicine and since i never had an allergic reaction to food ever and I have to many creams and lotions, that seems to be the culprit.

I discontinued use of both things.

What happened was I went to bed as normal and woke up in about 2 hrs with my eyes and tounge swollen and my heart racing, which was sort of scary the first night but i never had trouble breathing or anything and even though they tell you to go to the ER if you're mouth is swelling up i didnt and I chalked it up to a weird thing and went back to bed after my heart rate came down.

Second night i ate the leftovers of the same dinner and put the cream medicine on before bed just same as the first night and woke up worse in about 2 hrs .. which makes me think its the medicine and not the food because i think food allergies start right away. 

Took a benadryl the 2nd night which didnt really help but put me back to sleep. Then I had two more days of suffering with SFN symptoms of pain and tingling skin and it was really unpleasant and it dragged up all sorts of PTSD for what I'd been through the first go round.

But this time I knew what it was and i knew what to do. For me heat works. so i took a long hot bath and slathered myself in lotion and since i wasnt using the cream anymore (or eating the dinner?) it calmed down in about two days. My heart started acting normal right away and so far i have no effects from not using the medicine. in fact i feel kind of more normal.

I'd been on this medicine for a few months with no bad effects so i'm a little confused how it just started like that out of nowhere one day. But if i think back I did have kind of swollen eyes a few days before this started and i just thought it was because i hadnt worn makeup in a long time. I'm not sure how long that was going on but it may have been happening in some subtle way. I'm really not sure.

Anyway I'm on the other side already and I just wanted to log that it was terrible and no wonder I was in the state i was in suffering so much worse than that for so long. and not understanding what was happening or what to do or if i'd ever solve it.

Its weird how now its like 3 1/2 years ago, it feels like the trauma was living in the apartment that saved me. I guess i probably didnt need it but I didnt know that and i never could have figured it out if i hadnt moved out. 

also i got the hole in the basement fixed finally when i moved out and that needed to be done

I never got carpet

i still want carpet.

i will get carpet.

and dressers.

I really lost a lot but ive mostly recovered financially already which is awesome. I worried so much about that. 

i had to get a new car. my old one was no good anymore and I picked a smaller one because its better on gas and such but i live in some fear that its too small to carry furniture in  because having that big ass car saved me .I keep telling myself that i wont need saving like that again but I can't really shake the idea that my car isn't big enough even though its mostly just me and a yoga mat rolling around in the back.

The garage has some spare chairs and desks and tables I am ready to get rid of once it gets a little nicer out which is very soon. And ill set up the hot tub again. I can't wait. I love that hot tub and it really does soothe my skin so it really is medicinal.

Had to tear down my shed which was full of termites and skunks and various other critters and their poops and i dream of putting in a she shed that i can set up as an exercise room where i can do yoga or jazzercise or whatever. but thats gonna take money i dont have for that right now.

and redo the patio and just genrally make the backyard awesome.

so i keep working.

I dont love my job. I think my boss is weird. He is moody and i dont know what will set him off or not set him off and I feel like i do a lot of things i shouldnt have to do and then he gets mad at stupid shit for no reason. he doesnt get mad about stuff he should get mad about so theres that but its all very unpredictable and if he was liek that every day id be gone but he has mostly days he doesnt give me shit for no reason and the rest is ok enough i stay.

Today i cleaned the bathroom. His daughter is the cleaning lady and shes not great at it. I mean im not mad at her. She grew up with a housekeeper so how the fuck is she supposed to be good at a job shes never done? People dont value cleaning. Well people who dont know how to clean it seems dont value cleaning. I've been good about not calling her out cause its the boss' daughter but shes a grown up with a real job now and hes saying hes going to lose his cleaning lady. So i dont want to clean shit for free. 

This was my job for 8 yrs and i do a great job. We dont even have cleaning supplies in the office. when i went to clean the bathroom there wasnt things i need to do it. so that explains why its so gross in there. Anyway i did what i could with what i had and made it clean enough i dont think its disgusting while he swore it was clean because his daughter cleaned it, the other guy swore i was making shit up when i told him there was pink mold and googled it to see if it was a real thing. I'm like you can see it. its pink. 

After googling it he determined its not actually mold, its bacteria. I'm like whatever its still gross and it still needs to be cleaned. 

The other girl made fun of me saying oh no we are all going to die from mold poisoning. I'm like i didnt say that, i said it needs cleaning. WTF is wrong with these people that they dont want a clean bathroom?

I ran into an old cleaning client of mine in the store the other day and she showed me pics of the kids whove grown up and told me how everyone in the family is doing and how the mom quit her job and maybe im just in some weird place but i miss cleaning houses and working for myself and making things clean and having people be polite to me and make small talk and wearing workout clothes all day and not having to get made fun of for not looking past mold. or bacteria.

He needs to hire a professional cleaner and pay a person who knows how to actually clean things because its an actual job and he needs it done by someone who knows how to do it. and he needs to pay them a fair wage for that skill set. 

I dont really want to go back to cleaning because i will have to start completely over with new clients since all my families the kids grew up, but i probably will do that eventually.

I cleaned my kitchen and bathroom too when i got home and I miss it.
i love the smell of the cleaning supplies and I love to scrub something nice and clean and get the immediate gratification of a job well done. 

I started cleaning with the intention of getting my paralegal certificate while i worked part time since i was basically doing the job anyway at the time for less money because i didnt have it, so i took the first class and hated it. I looked forward to the class ending so i could get to my job across town to meet the kids who came home before the parents and i was basically the after school babysitter while I cleaned the house till the parents got home. I liked my job so much more than my classes i ddint sign up to take any more classes but I got families for every week day instead. 

I got better at it as i went. I think i was kinda sucky at first but by the end of the 8 yrs id learned to clean almost everything and i had tips and tricks for people when theyd ask me and I loved to go to work in workout pants and listen to podcasts all day. 

The only part i didnt like was a couple of the jerkier dogs, and the old lady with the open floor plan who watched OAN and i was forced to listen to that bullshit for hours while i cleaned the first floor. 

Anyway today im ready to go back to cleaning houses in my soul but I think financially im better off staying where im at as long as i can stand it so im gonna try and stay as long as i can. I've already been there longer than expected tbh because my boss has had some super-jerky moments that honestly should have been enough to make me walk. 

but i didnt. I dont mean to say i think hes entirely happy with me either. But he taught me almost nothing and when hes tried he basically either cant teach me or doesnt know himself so its been a struggle to learn every single thing for me. 

But now im there it seems like i shouldn't bail too easily.

it also seems like he should be trying harder not to drive me out.

anyway this is normal people stuff that doesnt relate to the orig incident except that it set me back financially so badly that I ahve to work this job for another couple of years probably. Or should. I dont have to. I could not and find something else to do.

I may do that.