Normal stuff

Its about to be new years eve and I'm doing the last wrapup of year end stuff so i felt like i should post here.

Its as over as i think its going to be. I still have nerve damage, which is funny because i was sure that was healing the whole time and now im not so sure. I think i have to live like this probably always but it is at a manageble level.

It gets worse with eating a lot of sugar or drinking alcohol or certain fabrics or detergents. I haven't been drinking but I've been doing all the other things. I recently got new dryer sheets that are meant to be extra great at removing pet hair but it leaves a sort of residue and my skins been bad lately so probably thats why.

I'm going to go back to what i was doing before

and that includes eating right and exercising since its New years and thats what you do in january.

I've been sick most of the last three months but its normal sicknesses just back-to-back stuff.
I have a sinus thing and a lingering bronchitis that wont go away but i just got a way more powerful humidifier for the bedroom and in two nights it already seems to be helping.

I get new health insurance (again) tomorrow and i'll probably have a dr look at me unless it clears up in the next week.

I paid off my loan and expected now I could have a social life and put everything behind me.

I never got carpet or new dresssers but thats the last of the things really.

but instead i took a week off work to have some expensive adventures. my first real vacation like where you go somewhere for more than a day or two in probably 8-10 years. I had a good time but i spent money and then at the same time i had to have my shed torn down because animals literally dug a hole through the side and then went in there and lived and pooped and it was just a wild animal hotel. Theyd pooped on everything that was in there and ate a hole through the floor and it wasnt worth saving.

Finding someone to do that wasnt easy and it took money i wasnt intending to spend so im back to having debt again, but its overall progress in the right direction and its the end of the year so its time to see where the finances settle and make a new plan for next year.

last day of my vacation i started feeling sick and then i got five back-to-back illnesses and basically missed the rest of the year. I was so ready to get back into the world and re-start my social life but it didn't work out like that for me. 

But im ready to try again.

Guy at work said something when i was complaining about all the spam calls from this company trying to sell me lawn chemicals, about how i shouldnt treat my lawn and i somehow reduced the whole story down to a quick sentence about how me and my neighbors all got fleas a couple of years ago and I had a bad reaction to the flea spray and had to move out of my house and remodel it and i have nerve damage as a result and I'm not doing that again so im gonna treat my lawn.

Funny how the stories we tell change over time as they fade into the background

thank goodness this is fading into the background.

I didnt know what was happening to me, how to fix it or if I'd ever be the same again.

I didnt know if id ever be able to live in my house again. 

I've been home for more than two years now i think and I still think how lucky i am to live in this little house with my cats every single day. When i was in the apartment its the only thing I wanted. Just to sleep in my bed in my house with my cat. And i have that every day and im thankful for it every day.

I'm not the the same and im not completely back to the way I was.

I have most of my clothes back but i did get rid of a lot of things i see now I didn't have to. And some stuff got ruined that didn't have to, but I replaced most of what I lost. and i updated my wardrobe to the point im getting rid of stuff now. I always brought in new stuff and got rid of old stuff and I always will.

I've been focused on keeping my body the size of all the clothes. and i was in the right zone there till i got sick so many times but I'm not so far off now and i can get back there. I just hate to have to do the same work over and over again. 

Worse stuff happened to some of my friends and I'm thankful my recovery is more or less done. Done enough. 

It took six years for my foot to heal. I dont know if ill ever completely heal from this but its been like three years i guess now and maybe, like my foot, one day I'll realize ive been over-compensating for a condition i dont have anymore. I had been walking crooked for years and eventually my back got angry about it but it turns out my foot actually did heal in that time. I just hadn't noticed because i got used to walking crooked.

Been working on walking straight and keeping my back working and strengthening it in the right position. Thats working. So i have some hope that in time my skin will finally heal. I mean it was unbearable and then it was bearable with lotion and hot tub soaks, and then it was just bearable all the time if i didn't eat sugar or drink or use the bad detergent. 

Today its bearable even with the bad dryer sheets and ive been eating donuts and chocolates for a month.  

Its' not unreasonable to think one day it'll be gone.

and i have made a lot of improvements to the house. not all of them yet and now theres new ones that need to be made because thats what having a house is like.

and i need a new car or to sink a bunch of money into my current one. I have to decide. I'll probably get a new one but im waiting for year end accounting things to happen so i can decide for sure the best move to make.

So things are good. I remember when I just was trying to forge a path forward so im doing fucking great. Ive survived it and its over. I didn't come out unscathed but i did pretty good surviving all that. 

I've always done pretty good surviving stuff.

itd be cool if i could just live a happy fun life in my house with my cats now for awhile.