Everything is not terrible

 So i found some investments to sell and i can pay off the bulk of my debt i incurred for this whole nightmare and i have some spending money now maybe and im thinking about doing fun things and spending some money maybe doing things to make me happy and isnt that fucking awesome

im mostly ok

its been hard to get in the mindset im ok now

i ran into an old friend and i was basically teling him how everything is terrible.. but im ok now mostly.. and hes like maybe you just have a hard time believing things are OK. he said he does this and hes all doom and gloom for no reason sometimes because he had a hard time of things for a long time.

and im like yeah thats exactly what im doing

because everything *is* ok now

im not exactly back to where i was but pretty close and ive spent the last few months relaxing finaly because i can and enjoying that things are ok but somehow when i tell people my story it all comes out doom and gloom anyway still.

i havent got my social life on track again yet because i havent had time or money to

and because i think i am liking just being able to relax at home finally

i dont have the worries i had before thank goodness

i mean theres still things need to be done and still healing that either will or wont happen

but if its just me like this from now on its ok and ihave back most of what i lost

i just want it all

so im still trying to work on getting back the rest

but at the same time maybe its a good time to take a break and enjoy life a little bit because i really can now. i did all the hardest work and it all paid off and i suffered through the suffering part and im on the other side now

just need to stop thinking like everything is terrible

because it isnt anymore