New Washer and Dryer, new job

 So i've got a new washer and dryer now. As much as i love my old clothes which remain in the garage they dont fit anyway and i like not having to go to the laundromat. The washer isnt balanced quite right but im working on it so sometimes the spin doesnt work but its still better than going to the laundromat.

I paid down enough of my debt for this whole episode that i felt ok buying a new set and just going forward. been looking for clothes to fit this body and go forward into now wearing something. 

I hated my new job. I really tried to learn it and i did, dont get me wrong. I learned what they taught me anyway. They just werent teaching me. My awful boss would give me attitute if i asked questions. She had it so I had to stop in the middle and let her check before i did the rest of the work and then she'd never check it and the work piled up.

which means people think im helping them and im not really.

She made me so mad one day after finally teaching me the next step in my job and then checking it and repeatedly finding fault with what id done even though i was following her written instructions step by step. i figured it out but no thanks to her and it put me a whole nother week behind.

I called her to ask her to lay out the instructions for me so i can write them down so I know what proccedure to follow and she literally said "no im not going to do that" and thats when i snapped. 

I'd been so patient with her figuring if i could just dismiss her bad behavior and learn this job, I would essentially be left alone to do my work once i learned it so i sucked up all her bullshit. This woman gave me attitude when I asked questions, she actually mocked me once because I didnt get what she was asking me. Like literally made fun of me repeating my wrong answer in a dumb voice. That is NOT how you train people. 

Anyway I had to do a 12 hr rotating weekend shift in another office that they werent putting me on till i knew what i was doing but here i was still not knowing what i was doing and my time had come. And thats when i found out its a 12 hour shift with a 30 min lunch. And when i got there i couldnt even get in the office, didnt know where anything was, it took me 2 hrs to get set up so i could even work. I called her to ask a question and she was rude to me about having to give me an answer, and then told me the team lead is coming in for an hour or two because he has some work to do and that he is NOT THERE TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS and i should not be bothering him with any of that. 

Its like she wants me to fail.

Well he did help me, In fact i told him exactly how i felt about everything and that I was at the end of what im willing to put up with to learn how to do this job. He was awesome and said he has heard me and he will float that information up the ladder.

So like a few days later we had a meeting for everyone in the company to show up to and the big big boss said something cryptic like how times are stressful and if people are short with us when we ask questions to consider what they are going through..................... "not that its ok" but to have some empathy.

I was like yeah no. and i put out some applications as soon as I got home for new jobs.

and i got one.

Inside of a week and a half i got a new job in my neighborhood, regular business hours, starts at higher pay and they will pay for me to study to get a license and then it will pay even more after that. Not only an hour lunch but since its a 5 min commute, i can go home for lunch. and i can get back to exercising and enjoying my weekends since I dont have to go do laundry and make sure i have food for the whole week since i dont have time for any of that with my current schedule. 

I think ill be much happier doing this work in general. and i think no one should ever have to do a job where the person directly in charge of your training treats you like you're a dumbass they can't be bothered with. Especially when they want you to do increasingly terrible shifts and the only reason you are incompetent is because they aren't teaching you anything you need to know to do your job. 

I put in my two weeks and im working to the end and starting my next job after that because its the right thing to do but they don't deserve it and literally no one has spoken to me since i gave notice and i care less and less about the work every day, except that theres so much of my half-done ones still left and people are calling wanting to know the status and I don't even know because the boss told me she was going to do them and as far as I can see she has not.

But not my problem anymore. I'm home doing laundry while i watch TV and i dont even know how im gonna go back for 2 more days. I'm just going to try finish up what ive got already and try not to start anything new.  Soon ill be able to do laundry while im at work. 

I still need carpet but the house is pretty much where i want it. 

My body needs work. Diet and Exercise. I have known this and tried in various fits and starts but I have not made much progress between this schedule not working for me so i didnt get much exercise in... i thought this job was going to be 70% walking. thats what they told me  but it is not at all. its 85% paperwork. and since im not a morning person and i havent been able to convince myself to do exercise first thing in the am and everything is closed and theres no classes when im off work, i just havent done near the amount i expected or want to do. 

I get all kinds of health problems when im not exercising regularly. it keeps my hormones in check and i just realliy need it to exist and live a happy life. I was doing more when it was warmer out but as it got colder and i got more and more unhappy at the new job i did less and less exercise.

I did a lot on the house though in those 4 months. Its weird theres so little left on my to-do list. Its great though. the kitchen looks fantastic and everything works well and other than the carpet the house is mostly how i want it.

My wardrobe is another thing. having trouble finding a bra that fits right since my body is different. and my back is mostly rehabbed since i stopped putting all my weight on the one leg, but now my other foot is in pain for using. and ive had to get new/different shoes.

not sure what shoes i need for my new job but I probably need new ones. I think i have all the work clothes i need for it though. 

Getting the car fixed finallly. had to get new tires just after i bought the washer/dryer so my debt is a little higher than i want it to be and now i have a deductible next week to pay as well, but at least i saw that one coming. 

so im waiting to get carpet. but carpet is the last thing.

im wiating till maybe next spring.

When I can put things outside if necessary to get carpet in here. 

My body is still full of weird sensations all the time but they are less serious than before and i dont seem to feel sick to my stomach all the time  or concerened becuase my heart is doing crazy stuff. its just sensations. Sometimes it feels like a scrape, sometimes its itchy, sometimes its stranger sensations but its all stuff i can work around and live a life now. Thank goodness.

I do believe it is healing. but i know ive been saying that for more than two years now. 

My tongue too. its still like its burned but it does seem less bad and i feel like less things irritate it.

But that seems to be all thats left save whatever w the clothes which i dont even know but i think we determined early on it would take 3-5 years for anything that was actually contaminated to have gone inert, and we are past 2 yrs now. and by the time i get skinny again enough to wear those clothes itll probably be 3 at least.  So i'm just gonna leave those things be in the garage and worry about it all later.

i still have things in the garage i plan to donate.. fans and a dehumidifier and extra furniture. 

but i donated or trashed everythign else and any clothes that were for sure contaminated save a few things that i was too sentimental to get rid of.  so probably everthying out there is ok really.

probably a good idea to just leave it be awhile longer.

Truth is that the longer it sits out there, the less important it is to me to rescue.

but i would like clothes to wear when I go out.

i would like to go out.

im trying for like once a month but the way i used to go out constantly .. i dont want to go back to that even if i didnt have bills to pay. but i do. i need all the money for the bills. Because i still want to be debt free. 

Originally i was going to be debt free by 2024. thats not going to happen. I probably still have less debt than most people but its still more than im comfortable with. it ruins my whole life-plan. 

Which was to retire.

but this new job, if i like it and im good at it, maybe i dont even need to or want to. It'd be just great if i found a job i can stay at and be happy for a long time. So thats my new goal. and then i can use my money i expected to 'retire' on (and by that i mean work part time) and buy nice things for me and my house. 

Which isnt a bad option either.

But it probably will take me awhile longer than expected.

I dont know if this new job will work out for me or not but it seems very promising. A whole lot more promising than doing paperwork incorrectly because my boss wont tell me how to do it right and gives me attitude when I ask questions and then expects me to work a 12 hour shift with a 30 min job and im not allowed to ask the guy whos right there who knows stuff to help me.

I really feel like im on the other side of the whole awful flea spray incident finally.

well over the mountain anyway.

My body and my debt are at a manageable level 

and maybe i can do some things to enjoy myself now.

Maybe i can live some sort of life again. 

I have two more days of this job im so over, then a day off to drop off my car for fixing and get a rental car. Then im gonna drive around in my rental car and have some fun doing something i havent thought of yet. and i will start my new life on Thursday.

I really hope its the beginning of the next good phase of my life where I have work/life balance and a job i like that pays well and a boss thats respectful of me and wants to see me succeed. and a paycheck that will help me pay my bills and maybe have a little bit of fun too.