8 1/2 months ?

 I think its good ive lost track of how long i've been home now.

The big developments in my life since last post was that i got the hot tub set up and i sit it in every night (weather permitting) and its healing my nerve condition for sure. But slowly. but for sure.

It feels more like it did in the beginning now. 

I'm pretty sure with hindsight that what happened was that it got in my washer/dryer and i washed it into my clothes and wore this stuff i have a bad reaction to around in my clothes for those two months before I moved out and that's what caused the nerve damage.

So it was only in the air maybe right at first, and all my attempts to clean the air were futile.

Its possible that my attempts to clean the carpet and the clothes with various things including but not limited to vinegar and baking soda may have also caused the nerve damage but I don't know and i don't think I can ever know.

So once i got rid of all the stuff that was directly contaminated, and indirectly contaminated, I was probably OK but since the nerve damage had been done there was no way for me to know it was my body just still reacting to the original exposure.

But then there was that time when I tried to move back home and i got worse so I can't be sure. 

Those clothes i was wearing at that time are in the garage but as time has passed I have less and less interest in reclaiming my old clothes and doing experiments to see if I get worse when I can just leave it be and continue getting better.

Since i work from home I bought mostly pajamas. and workout clothes because when I leave the house its usually to do Jazzercise. I legitimately do not have any clothes that are not leggings and tshirts.

And that would be fine but my work-from-home job ive been at two years now rotates in new managers periodically, im not sure why because they dont actually know the job, I was told they want them to know all the departments or something like that. But this go-round I got one who is essentially the embodiment of Eric Cartman and she basically lives to correct me, even though she has no idea how to do my job. She's written up some of the best people on our team for petty offenses and its just a matter of time before she gets me.

Theres also other signs that things are going to change for, what I would consider, the worse so i've been job hunting. I've actually enjoyed the interviewing even though I've flubbed a few I think, but I've really been happy to try on the possibilities of doing something different, and now the pandemic is over I'm kind of ready to work irl maybe, and now I've been doing this job I thought was temporary for two years, its time to take that experience and see what else I can do with it.

I got a job offer today which has been a big relief because it means I don't have to be constantly waiting for the hammer to fall on me since my manager is combing through every tiny thing i do trying to find something to write me up for. Because if im out of there in 2 weeks she can do whatever she wants.

I stuck around at that job as long as i did even though its mostly boring and stupid and customers wanna yell at me for things i didnt do and have no control over because I wasnt being micromanaged and I was being treated respectfully and allowed to work independently. So now that I'm being treated like I'm an incompetent slacker on top of the job being boring and stupid and getting yelled at by strangers in my living room a few times a day, and i can actually go do something else for more money... well its just time to go. 

The job offer i got today is one of those jobs ill either really love or really hate. no way to know till I do it, but im willing to give it a try save that the offer itself wasnt quite what i was promised in the original ad i responded to so I'm holding out for changes to be made before I accept it. Which just prolongs my agony now that I can't put in my 2 weeks notice yet and i was pretty done at my current job the second I got a call saying we'd like to offer you the job. 

I still have one more work-from-home job i interviewed from that I'd like to take if they offer it to me but there's no way to make them hurry up and decide so I'm just kind of leaving it up to fate and I'll go with the first one that gives me paperwork im ready to sign. 

But in reality i only have the one offer and its not what I expected so that means im still working the same job I've been working. I've got a vacation coming up and im looking forward to that. I've owed money for all this moving out and having to buy everything new and paiting and moving in and buying new clothes and doctor visits...

oh right i think i left out the part about how i ended up in the urgent care with what I thought might be a kidney stone but turned out to be back spasms and then they xrayed my spine which was crooked and sent me to physical therapy, which has been honestly working wonders and im way straighter than before but it sort of morphs around as I get straighter and other parts of me hurt and I've got some sort of sciata like thing going on in one of my legs. 

I've bought a new (to me) expensive ergonomic chair and lots of cushions and props and things. I think ive finally figured out how to prop myself up for sleeping so my leg doesnt go numb. But thats a big deal and some good progress. 

Its all sort of the last part of this nightmare, because a year of temporary furniture and thrift store furniture and cheap furniture combined with all my previous injuries and how I was not putting equal weight on my one foot for years after I broke my heel bone, and the arthritis in my knees etc etc etc etc etc and my back just gave up. This PT is fixing a decade of me getting crookeder and crookeder from all the injuries followed by 2 yrs of sitting most of the day and not having the core strength i used to have anymore.

I've been exercising and taking it all very seriously and making great progress. Which is awesome because i feel like I can undo this and live a normal life again one day. Not today but one day.

The hot tub helps with that too.

and i sit in my backyard with my cats and remember how sad i was last year in the apartment still when i expected I'd have been home already and all I wanted was to live in my house and be able to hang out in the yard with the cats.

I've put on weight for sure, and thats another reason ive not been in any hurry to recover my old clothes but theres some stuff out in the garage id love to get back into one day. The shoes are all still good and I could bring those back in i guess but dont have any clothes so theres no hurry on any of that.

If im going to work irl ill need clothes but i dont want to go shopping until i get a job offer im willing to sign. 

So im on the tail end of all this now im pretty sure.

My hair broke off for using crappy shampoo/conditioner in the apartment when they discontinued the one i was using for years. I'm allergic to a lot of stuff and it was no time to experiment when i was suffering so much already so i just tried a shampoo/conditioner set and i didnt react to it so I used that and after months my hair got so knotted up it was impossible to comb out and I'd broken so much of my hair off that I got serious about trying to figure out what to do.

Long story short, and im still working on this, i've found a couple of good shampoo/conditoner sets i can use and im rotating 4 different types of hair treatments. it seems to be making a big difference. The texture of my hair has completely changed. im working on getting the color just right too. Seems my hair's gone white/grey and the same hair color ive used for decades comes out way too light on my hair and the darker colors .. well i just havent found the exact right one for me yet but im working on that too.

So basically my focus now has turned to my hair, my hot tub, my job, and rehabbing my back and my neuropathy is last on that list. 

Which means I'm just living life in my house again. 

Which is all i really wanted.

Still have bills to pay and i think in another year or so I'll be caught up I think. i hope. and then im back on track for being debt free a few years after that. This whole thing derailed my progress by a couple of years but in the long run thats not so bad.

So its not over yet, i still dont have a new washer/dryer and im still too scared to use mine. I still do laundry at the laundromat which is starting to be a pain, and if i actually have to go in public wearing actual clothes, i may want to move up the timeline for getting a new set.

and i want carpet. i've wanted carpet all along but its the last thing I'm gonna do because i basically have to move out for a few days to make that happen so i think ill board the cats and do it and go on vacation for a few days after just cause the cats will be boarded and the carpet can offgas while I go somewhere. But thats like when i have money for all that which wont be for awhile.

and i want to get a real hot tub one day and a real patio to put it on. mine needs replacing, and I still have to clean out the garage. theres a lot of things in there right now i need to decide if im going to keep or not. I probably can sell some of the spare furniture and such too. Might be able to pull some $ out of there if i actually go through it, but itll pay for the hauling becuse theres a lot of stuff in there thats trash too. 

But thats it. thats all daydreams and thats all thats left.

This nightmare isnt quite behind me but if i want to just look forward and not look back, i can do that from here. So its as behind me as I want it to be really. 

Thank goodness. 

It's been a 1 yr and 9 mos total from Day 1.

Most of the pandemic.

Everyone's starting over with real life stuff right now, so its a good time to do that.

This job that i got an offer for, in the interview they apologized to me for being unprepared since they hadnt done an in-person interview in 2 years. I hadnt done one in 13. Felt like we were all in the same boat. Probably how i got the job. Hoping they fix the contract so I can quit my current job and start this new one. 

Seems like the kind of adventure I need.