DawnOwar's Blog

 This is a milestone for sure. I am definitely home for real and i'm definitely healing for real and my life has become what I expected i was going to be dealing with after i cleaned the house once I realized I was having a reaction to the stuff I sprayed a year and a half ago. Just had no idea it would be a year and half of physical and emotional torture and expense to get to this place. I have not rebuilt by any stretch of the imagination and I am not fully healed but I am in a stable place where my symptoms are manageable and the house is full of what I need and I don't need anything else even though I still havent sorted out the clothes situation. My stuff is in the garage and Im waiting for spring or healing or both or either to mess with any of that. But I have the rest of my life I guess. I've been doing laundry at the laundromat and in pandemic times thats fine because its the only time i really go anywhere.  But the pandemic is more or less over now and I'm rea...

 These are starting to be monthly entries. Living at home feels real now and the 9 months i was in the apartment and the two i was suffering before I moved out feel like a fever dream now. Even though I still am pretty bare bonesed in the house. I have a good collection of clothes now. Not like my old collection, its almost all workout clothes and pajamas. but i can pull out different outfits to wear to Jazzercise and have matching pants and sports bras and that makes me happy.  My skin is still not right, hot baths are the only thing that really soothe it but i can go a day or sometimes even two before it gets really bad and I've been able to focus on things like cooking and eating healthy and working out and what color my hair is again instead of just how to live and how to pay my bills. My bills are still not paid. I've paid off about 1/4 of what this has all cost me paid off and ive worked long and hard to make that happen. But i'm starting to be more comfortable with t...

 Oh dont get me wrong, im healing.  And im home long enough now with everything i need, if not everything i want back in the house and it feels like i really live here again. Which is so great.  That was just the worst. I cant explain what I've been through even though ive been blogging it all along.   Still so much unknown but at least i can move forward living in my house now. I never figured out anything really. How much of this was chemical exposure and how much was nerve damage. I may never know but I'm kind of banking on the chemical itself just becoming inert eventually and i can move my clothes back in the house and wear them again.  and the washer/dryer same. It all may be fine and it may just be my body. No way to know without risking starting over and im healing now for real. Its slow but its for certain healing.  my heart doesnt seem to do weird stuff anymore and i havent felt sick to my stomach since about halloween. ive been sleeping pret...

 I lost track of it i guess. Ive been home since mid September. Which means ive been home three months, even though last month i did a post that said i was home for three months.  I guess thats fine if ive lost track of it because it doesnt really matter  especially because im home. So I've been rebuilding my house. brought in the hard furniture from outside. except the dressers which were broken anyway and I decidedd to give some other furniture a try.  got a light "dresser" with fabric boxes for drawers and a kallax unit .. same concept but i dont have clothes to filll them up yet. I was going to bring in my purses and shoes but i dont go anywhere and the outfits they match are staying out in the garage at least till my skin heals so theres no real point i guess. So i have all these empty places to put clothes that i intend to bring back eventually. But it feels more like home with furniture. I swear i sleep better with a dresser in the bedroom. It feels like i liv...

 For the first time in over a year. That's not to say I'm 100% OK either. I feel like maybe im at 70%.  Since the last update, i got off the gabapentin completely which was not hard or scary as the pages i was googling made it sound. Probably because I was never past a half-dosage and I don't think i even took them for a full month, but the doctor still advised me to taper off. While I was doing that i was reading internet horror stories, and i wasnt feeling well. I think i took a day off of work to sleep, but it wasnt bad or hard and I was clear-headed again in a few days. Honestly I haven't done anything but work and move things and shop for things in a year now so I probably could stand a few more days off.  Except that I have bills to pay and I can't afford days off. I've used up all my paid time off awhile back mostly for appointments with the painters and other workers and helpers to get my house back in some shape so I could go home. So after i was off th...

I'm one pill away from being off these pills I was so happy to get prescribed for me. They pretty much just made me a zombie, but that was good for awhile and took me through the part where I was scared of everything and didn't know if I was going to be ok, so I'm home and I believe now and I'm getting ready for the colder months in my house where I can finally start to settle in now I'm starting to feel lucid again. Looking forward to doing Thanksgiving at home for me and my cats. Last Thanksgiving was one of my worst days ever. I was sick and I had to work and I was suffering and I was really hoping for a do-over this year, in my own house, where I belong. Thing about having an ongoing crisis for over a year is that people have their own things to attend to and they move on while you are still more-or-less in the same place. Not that anyone could have really helped me, and not that no one did... I had a lot of people that tried to what extent they could. Proba...

 I'm home for two months now. Well two months and one week. and counting. I've had a neurologist diagnose me with Small Fiber Neuropathy which is a relief in so many ways. Because I'm finally actually being treated for something. He's got me on gabapentin which mostly makes me loopy and I can't take the full dosage if i still want to function but you're supposed to ramp up so i'm taking 2 of 3 pills a day for now with intentions to ramp up.  I'm pretty functional on 2 a day now but when i add a 3rd in that all goes to hell so I thought id give it another week or so before i try again, just because I have things to do. Another reason this diagnosis is so great is because its my body and its probably not me reacting to "THE STUFF' anymore, which i knew because i literally took everything out of the house, pulled up the (2nd) carpet and painted with two coats of a sealing primer and two coats of paint. so how could i be reacting to anything in here...